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 Get Like Me

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PostSubject: Get Like Me    Fri May 12, 2017 11:29 pm

The mantlepiece in Cosmo Coopers little house in Santa Rosa sat full of trophies from his high school glory days. MVP trophies, MVP in the state championship. The white shelf sat from top to bottom was just covered with gold, some even Cosmo had to recall. Friends had come and gone during these times, but one thing had always remained.

Cosmo was the best at whatever he did.

Nobody saw this side of Cosmo in XHW, as he sat in a chair in the middle of his living room. With his hat turned backwards and his shirt off with only a pair of swimming trunk type pants on, he watched a small hedgehog walk around on his chest eating a piece of food that Cosmo had broken off for him.

“Here you go, bud.” Cosmo said as he reached a finger down and stroked the hedgehogs head for a moment as he gave him the rest of the tiny stick of carrot that Cosmo was eating. Pig was always stealing food. “Always gotta’ eat all my food.”

At the foot of the chair, a black goat sat with his legs folded up underneath him. His friend Ana Hayden had always joked that Cosmo’s house was soon going to become a zoo if he didn’t watch it. Something Cosmo was perfectly okay with.

A social butterfly like Cosmo didn’t particularly like living along, but the animals made it a lot easier to tolerate the astounding silence in the house. Every now and then the old, wooden house that once belonged to his parents would pop and creak as it settled, causing all patrons of the house to jump.

Sometimes Cosmo would look over at the shelf and recall memories of the glory days—which if you asked him with a camera trained onto him, he would tell you he was still living them in XHW. Pulling Pig off of his chest with a small squeak, Cosmo pushed himself up off the chair and stood in front of his impressive trophy case. Upon closer inspection, as he placed the hedgehog on his shoulder where Pig rode very easily, there was a single ticket upon the trophy case.

The date read three weeks ago, the first XHW show to be exact. Cosmo remembered exactly where he was the moment he picked that ticket up, remember the feeling of defeat when he walked out and saw the Amway Center was not filled up, and even how far XHW came since that moment in time.

Now? The roster was starting to fill up, the competition got a lot harder but Cosmo had gotten the jump start and a XHW Championship was just within reach…Cosmo Cooper had only been pinned once in his professional career…Now that the title was so close, the elimination tag match was a must win for Cosmo, these two weeks would tell the world what kind of wrestler he could actually be.

Leaning down, Cosmo picked up the ticket and held it up for Pig to smell, and so he snooted the piece of paper the ticket was printed on as he pulled it back up in front of him to look at it, with that he heaved a sigh.

“You think I got what it takes, Pig? Got what it takes to be the man in XHW?” Pig didn’t answer, probably because he was a hedgehog and wasn’t capable of human responses, but none the less he gave a small click as Cosmo bribed him with another snack.

Cosmo took that as a yes, when the hedgehog gave a small whirr of appreciation for the treat his owner gave him.

There was a weight there…Coming into this match…That wasn’t there before. It wasn’t a fluke that Cosmo was the leader in points. It wasn’t an accident that he was the sole Medal of Honor winner, Wulf had just won ANOTHER championship and Cosmo had beaten him in the ladder match that would define XHW for some time to come.

It was almost like Secretariat racing out to such a lead, and then the jockey looking over his shoulder to see everyone else do far behind. Cosmo had tried to goad his peers into challenging him, yet they didn’t seem to take it as serious as he did. They didn’t seem to want to bring the same intensity than he brought in for his matches.

Cosmo shrugged as he looked back over to Pig as he waved the ticket in the air.

“All I know…As at Hell From Above…I’m going to get another ticket, because I know that is going to be a house that I’ll be proud of…” Cosmo took the ticket and sat it back down onto the trophy case as a constant reminder of the growing pains that XHW had experienced. A small smile crossed his lips.

“And it’ll be the house that Cosmo Cooper built.”

Every new company that opened, everyone always seemed to be rooting against it. No matter who opened it, no matter what wrestlers were a part of it. All that mattered is people always tried to bring it down. XHW was no different. Everyone was waiting for it to fail, and while the rest of the roster didn’t take to the way Cosmo Cooper did things too well, they were all on the same roster, and if XHW failed, then most of them was out of a job.

Cosmo took it personally. He had never failed at anything in his life, and if being the ACE of XHW meant he carried all the success and failures on his back? Then that would be a sacrifice he would make, and if he had to eliminate everyone on the other team to prove a point? Then he would do it. No games, no gimmicks…And if the other team didn’t like the way he did things? If his teammates didn’t like the way he did things?

Then Cosmo guessed they should get good.


“There’s a lot of smiles this week. A lot of playful banter, but I see nothing funny or fun about a triple threat elimination tag. All I see if opportunity. People say I seem as if I don’t have fun doing this, but they’re wrong. I just love winning, that’s what I have fun doing…Winning.”

“I saw this in AWE. I witnessed it first hand. XHW, wrestling…It isn’t fun and games to me when the bell rings or when something is on the line. As long as we are in a competition for something…When the lights are on bright. Cosmo Cooper isn’t all smiles, Cosmo Cooper will do whatever it takes to become the best at whatever it is he has to become best at. This week? It’s an elimination tag match, and while my bearded buffoon of a partner is trying to yuck it up with Wulf Erikson and trying to get in the pants of Vaughn and Williams…I’ll take their head off in they stand in my way.”

“While you all smile and wave to one another and play some kind of socialized game on Twitter, I’m training to one day kick each of your heads off. Do you not realize what’s at stake here? There’s a chance for someone to make a huge move. There’s a ton of points on the line, but nobody seems to care. I’m not sure Wulf even knows he is booked in XHW half the time because he’s too busy posting shitty memes and gifs on Twitter instead of focusing his attention where it should be in XHW. You got Beardfather over there trying to like and favorite every single half naked photo on Twitter, so much so I bet his finger is going to be broken…Along with his wrist because we all know he isn’t getting any action.”

“Vaughn is a serious liability to even have near a wrestling ring, let along a main event with me standing across from her. Every time I see her…It looks like her head is somewhere else. I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but she acts like she belongs in a psych-ward and not a wrestling ring…Again, I have no clue what she’s got going on in her personal life, but she just seems to live through others instead of trying to be her own…I’m not sure if I’ll get charged for bullying a special needs student when I have to dispose of her in this match or not.”

“Ashley Williams? A shit ton of potential if she can get away from this whole shaking hands and kissing babies bit. Nobody wants your respect, Ashley. Nobody cares if you giggle and bat your eyelashes at Wulf, literally the ugliest person in this match. Everyone knows how big this match is, you don’t have to waste your breath. Ashley? What you need is a killer instinct. You need to lower your head and start bullying people out of the way. You’ll see what being friendly gets you this week, you’ll see what looking for respect will get you. Do you think I care about who respects me in this company? Do you see me trying to get Wulf to shake my hand after the ladder match, or do you think I’m bragging about how good Sapphire is?”

“Nope, because I don’t need their handshakes. You notice how quick Wulf’s tune changed after I beat him in that ladder match? He’s putting me over on Twitter every chance he gets. Am I giving him that in return? Hell no! Because I’m Cosmo Cooper, he’s Wulf Eirkson and that’s all anyone needs to know. You can look at a side-by-side and tell who is genetically superior, and you can tell the same thing if I stand beside Vaughn and Williams. There’s a reason I’m the Alpha. There’s a reason I will be the FIRST XHW champion…Because I want it more…And I’m just better than every single one of you.”

“Oh? Seems as if I’m forgetting someone…OH THAT’S RIGHT, SAPPHIRE. Uh? Paging Sapphire. I mean, it looks like you would learn from your mistakes. You can’t put us side by side because you obviously have the look, but I said it last week, that’s all you have. You don’t have anything but the pictures. You don’t have the skill, and you’re like the rest of them. You don’t have the interest in XHW to give us anything besides a half naked image of yourself once or twice a week on Twitter.”

“You all need to take this week as a lesson to be learned. I don’t want to stand here and act like I’m doing this for the greater good, because I’m not. Is it best for XHW if I’m the first champion? Yes, because I care more, because I want it more and because I’m better than any of you. But I am trying to set the bar. Just like I did on every team I was on during high school and college. I worked harder than everyone else because I knew that it would trickle down. If you want to challenge the Alpha, you’ve got to train to beat the Alpha…And look guys…”

A small smirk crossed his face as he motioned down his body.

“I know that you guys may train and train, and some of you will never be as good as me. But it will make you better. If you can’t be at the top of the food chain, then you need to be right there so you’re big enough that you don’t get eaten. The six of us? Well, besides Beardo. We should be the top…We should be the measuring stick…But there’s only one that meets that criteria and it’s Cosmo Cooper. Week in and week out, I’m doing what it takes to put XHW on top…Week in and week out I’m doing what it takes to win. Week in and week out I’m making sure everyone knows who Cosmo Cooper is.”

Cosmo lowered his head.

“Do you people not feel anything? I get…Ew, it runs all over me when I think about it. I get so angry when I look back to the first show in XHW…I saw the anxious looks from the board of directors and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I’ve already had a home that closed. I already had a home that I felt like I was next in line for a title shot and it was jerked out from underneath me…I felt like I had to do something because the rest of the roster wasn’t…That’s why I’ve came out undefeated. That’s why I haven’t been touched in this company because that night…A fire was lit under me…But what about you, man? What about all of you?”

“You’re all like robots. Nothing from two weeks ago has any effect on today. You’re all just going about business as usual while this company was almost ripped out from underneath you. None of you responded…I still go a whole week without hearing from any of you. I still see your sloppy, unmotivated matches. I still see excuses from people like Wulf…And that’s why I reached up and I took the stirring wheel. Because once Cosmo Cooper was on top, people started paying attention…And people began flocking to XHW…”

A shrug.

“Just look at the roster numbers. People come from all over, because they want to beat me. Not because they want to see Angelica Vaughn flick her bean to a wrestler who is better than she is. Not so we can see Ashley Williams gee-golly her way to a win over Wulf….Not so we can see Bearded Army try and get the attention from every female wrestler on the planet. Not so we can see Sapphire post a selfie and not give her match any bit of attention. They come because they see how much effort I am getting, and all I get from each of you? Oh! Cosmo Cooper cheats!”

He faked as if he were clutching pearls on his neck.

“Oh! Cosmo Cooper is such a bad guy! He wins with questionable tactics! Well guess what, it’s more than what any of you are doing. I’m not winning using questionable tactics…I’m winning by surviving by whatever means necessary. It doesn’t mean I’m cheating, it’s just another example of how I am better than every single one of you in every way imaginable.”
“I wrestle better. I kick better. I flip better. I do whatever your gimmick is better than you. I have a better beard than Dougie Boy and I don’t even have facial hair. I can lift more than you. I tweet better. My submission game is better than yours…And it just keeps going. Whatever you can name…”

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