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 Turd Sandwhich

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Buffy Roxxon

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Posts : 11
Join date : 2017-04-14

PostSubject: Turd Sandwhich   Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:41 pm

I think it's time that we all had a chance to chat. Just you two, a giant douche and a turd sandwich, and myself. It's “All Killer, No Filler” time, boys. I guess you can call this a pure shoot or something. Sure, maybe in a few days I'll get into some heady deep, exploration of who I am and why I am here in this universe and all of that other junk that people watch wrestling for. However, today, we are just going to do some old fashioned trash talking. So yeah, no snap shot “day in the life” type of drama today. Hell, I'm not even going to waste your time with doing a random in ring at an undisclosed location with a crowd viewing some random show that we aren't televising. It is so weird that those still happen in 2017, right? Or better yet, be doing some random “cool guy” thing like playing golf or sky diving and have an interviewer pop out of nowhere to ask me some generic questions. None of that will be happening here.

As said, we're going to “talk” this whole tag team title situation out right here and now. I know you two are coming in with some preconceived notions about me and that's probably going to be your downfall in this match. Again, Giant Douche is posting gifs like I am not a threat to him or his opponent. AS IF. Like, listen, I get it! You're in the ring with a pretty girl and you're going to make some assumptions about me and what I can do in the ring. Not just that, but I'm a virtual newcomer to the business. It makes logical sense for the two of you to shrug me off. It isn't smart, but makes a shit ton of sense for the most stereotypical of wrestlers to do. But alas, neither one of you are going to be allowed in this blissful ignorance for much longer because when the bell rings there are going to be some truths you are going to need to face ...and all of your critics and fans are going to ask “why?”

Why did you get beaten by a woman who is BARELY over one hundred pounds soaking wet?

Why is she on her way to stardom in this new upstart company and you are ALREADY playing catch up?

Why is she a tag team champion and you are coming up with excuses as to why you lost?

Why didn't you see this coming?

Fortunately for the two of you, I'm here to explain it all before it even happens. Now, I know that neither of you will listen, but I'm going to try my best to spell it out for you anyways. Maybe you'll actually pay attention and stop yourself from being humiliated this Saturday at the first ever Fall Out. Stranger things have totally happened, but I am personally not counting on it. Though don't tell me I didn't warn you because I informed thusly.

Shall we begin because, yeah, we are so totally just getting started here? Again, it's going to be a LONG conversation and my mummy has always called me her little chatter box. So take a seat and get yourselves quite comfortable.

Now, here we are, THE FIRST EVER XHW FALL OUT! The management can say whatever they want about anything after this point, and they will. There'll be FPV's that are labeled as THE MOST IMPORTANT SHOW in XHW history. There will be moments that many tout as the greatest to ever happen. There will be people who aren't even with the company yet that will become legends. However, there's no show more important than this one, no moment as great as the first ever championships being crowned, and no people more legendary than those of us who so totally knew that XHW was the place to be and immediately signed up. This is where it all begins and this is where the bar will be set. As a Cheer Captain, I know first hand how important setting the tone is; creating the standard in which everyone else will be judged. This is an opportunity that any smart girl would DIE to be apart of. They would know that chances like this one, to set the stage, are so few and far between. They only come around every so often and should not be wasted by men who do not know the awesomeness that is being handed to them.

All in all, I consider myself lucky to be here and to be given the chance to be one of the first champions of the company. Now, how exactly did we end up here?

I'm not going to sit here ...Bee tee dubs, you can picture me sitting in bubble bath while drinking champagne, or washing a car, or dressed as a cheerleader while licking a lollipop. Sure, none of those things are currently true, but hey, whatever is going to keep interested. ...ANYWAYS, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I grew up a life long wrestling fan or it was my passion from childhood to wrestle oiled up, half naked men for the world to watch. That phase of my life didn't happen until mid-way through High School, and no, it had nothing to do with pro wrestling. Um yeah, back on track here. No, this wasn't what I planned on doing as an adult nor was this something anybody wanted for me. It was a lifestyle I eventually chose after experiencing a few things within my life. And no, none of them had anything to do with cancer, the freak death of a loved one, or any other uber-dramatic stuff that tends to happen to our types before these title match dealies come up. What I noticed that people who step into the ring seem to fall into two categories: angry dudes with a fucked up past or cocky rich bitches who believe they are better than everyone else. So ...um ...yeah, I kina, sorta, fall into the latter category ...or I guess one aspect of it. Hell, better than the category Giant Douche falls into or, even worse, the ones that Turd Sandwhich purposely avoids. We'll get to those two in a bit here.

Anyways, yeah, I grew up more than a little well off. Okay, I'm a fucking trust fund baby who doesn't have to work if she doesn't choose to. Remember this, please. Yeah, Buffy Roxxon is exactly the spoiled heiress that she sounds like she is, but that is where the comparison to me and every other primadonna in wrestling history ends. I don't think I'm superior because I got a luckier break than anyone else, nor do I think it makes me a better wrestler. My parents always made sure we knew the importance of charity and giving to those less fortunate. You aren't going to see me in the ring making a  child bounce a basketball for money while being casually racist. That isn't how I was raised, nor is it who I am. What I do have is the luxury of choice, and I realize that not a lot in this industry do. That is why I chose to go to a public school for High School instead of a private prep academy. It was a battle, but somehow I convinced them that I had to go out into the real world. Plus, their world was way too simple for me. I needed a challenge and I found it through athletics, namely cheer leading, but I also dabbled in volleyball as well. I wouldn't have been able to follow those pursuits going to an all girls school. You know what else I would've missed out on? Talking to real people; learning that not everybody was going to kiss my amazingly tight ass. No, it wasn't some tragic trial of my courage, but I did have win others over. Eventually, as 'me-types' tend to do, I became captain of the cheer team, Homecoming Queen, and President of the Prom committee. Hey, I didn't say that I wasn't “kinda” a stereotype.

From High School, I could've rested on my laurels, but I enjoyed competition; I enjoyed interaction with others. That is why I went to the University of Central Florida and accomplished my destiny of being an out of control Sorority Sister. Obs ...what started off as being a flirty girl became full on experimentation during this time. Consider it an awakening of sorts; a realization that not only was an adult, but the rules people tell you to always follow couldn't just be bent, but absolutely broken. I wasn't going to go to hell for getting my tits out. The cops weren't going to drag me away for kissing a girl and liking it. Buffy Roxxon was liberated and she enjoyed the hell out of it. There was so much lesbian shit going on back then. No homo, just curious. If only there was something that allowed me to continue behave like that after college ...because growing up was something I absolutely didn't want to do. At least not in the traditional sense. It should be noted that, yeah, I got into modeling during this period of time. It was fun, but had absolutely no attachment to that super vein world. There was nothing to conquer; nothing to enjoy. Fuck, it felt like I was punished for showing even a bit of personality in that business. However, it was that and cheerleading which led me to meet a guy who owned a gym; a guy who told me that I might have had the right prowess and look to be a pro wrestler. Again, I didn't have to anything after College. I could have lived in the pool house my own life and never have grown up. But even I knew that I couldn't live a trial free lifestyle. I needed to be able to overcome; to face adversity. At the same time, I didn't want to live by adult standards ever again. I didn't want to not be me or be poo poo'ed for having an uber-liberal lifestyle.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: wrestling is fun. The moment I got in the ring, I felt right. I gave me what I wanted and allowed me to be WHO I wanted. There was no limit on how much I pushed the envelope or get a rise out of the fans. Anybody who tried to point my finger tell me I couldn't do this or do that, I was able to answer back with a boot to their nose. The people watching even took a liking to me and my antics in the process. Last week I even won my first title. Unfortunately, the company closed right afterwards. But I wasn't going to let that get me down. I could always go bigger and, dude, I SO went much bigger than I ever thought.

That takes me to Fall Out; to one half of the tag team titles; to an elimination rules triple threat. That takes me to a moment that doesn't happen to people at my experience level. There is complete understanding that I am being put in the most difficult match I have ever been in. And sure, there were moments where I looked at who I was facing, researched them, and that little negative voice began to talk to me; tell me that the men I were facing SO popular and had so much more experience than me. Everybody knows The Giant Douche and the Turd Sandwhich. Who could blame them?

I'll be super candid with the two of you. I WAS nervous at first.

I am quite literally-not-literally going from the fire pan, into the fire. Our match is a no-name up against two name wrestlers. Within minutes there was already chatter about my odds; about how quickly you two would take out the 'eye candy.' People were taking bets on it. Y'know, I would not be surprised if I was put in the match with the thought that I would be an easy pinfall victory for them. Even ring veteran Papa Nervy warned me to be wary of the Turd Sandwich and his super awesome abilities. I am stepping into the ring with two industry giants who're going to eat me alive …

...and they're going to choke on me!

You know why? Because a girl starts to read between the lines; she begins to understand that being active on twitter isn't the end all be all. Having the endorsement of an old man in a mask who never stays at one place for a time because they don't treat him like the star he is isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. In fact, I began to look at what they are and who I am. How I have been able to come up so quickly, faster than even I ever thought I could and I realized that this isn't some dumb Sorority Girl stuck in the ring with two monsters, but two incredibly petty men going through the motions trapped against a hungry young lady who absolutely wants to win this; who knows the importance of the match to herself and the company. I GET that matches and shows like this don't come everyday. One loss. One single loss will send me right down to opening shows. You two lose? You get to stay right where you are on name value alone. For the first time ever, that is one luxury that I will not be allowed. It is a new feeling, but it is one that I welcome with open arms. Winning this match and tag title wouldn't be nice or something to gloat about on twitter, it is mandatory for me.

What is it to the two of you? Obs, you are going to want to win. No one likes to lose, but to the two of you? This is just another match; another pay check; another title to hang up on your wall. This match means the world for me and the company that hires me. It is the beginning of both of our histories.

It may sound totes cheesy, but that is my journey, ya'all. What is your journey?

I guess we'll begin with you, turd sandwich. There's one thing that you just need to understand about yourself: you aren't the bad ass you think you are. No, after watching you for only a few days, checking out your bio and the way you hold yourself, the truth is that you're something of a coward ...or at least, afraid to put any information out there that can be used against you. It's uber-smart, yo, but creates an even bigger problem. EVERYBODY has a gimmick. We all have something about ourselves that make us who we are. By refusing to admit that you have a personality or favorite weapon or anything else, there is attempt to come as a blank slate, thus I couldn't be able to say shit about you in a trash talking scenario. However, you do give yourself a gimmick by your actions: being a passive aggressive prick.

For a wrestler, you certainly seem to hate actual confrontation, but LOVE your snide remarks when you think no one is watching. I make my claim, Giant Douche posts his gif, and you like said gif. I comment on the fact that both of you underestimate me and then you reply that you never said a bad thing about me. That's pretty damn shitty on your part. You obs agree with a statement of my other opponent, but when it comes time to back up that “like” you deny it. Why am I so certain that I am going to become the first ever person to hold gold in the company? Because you don't have have the stones to stand your ground and say “YEAH, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU!” That's the tip of the ice berg though because you also mastered the art of talking shit on a fellow employee, but refusing to tag them in your tweet about them. Did you think no one saw you post about Sapphire looking like a man after she posted a photo. That isn't just hateful behavior, but it is straight cowardice to not tag that person ...and probably eventually get the ass kicking you deserve for that sort of thinking.

All in all, besides that, your presence isn't that of a wrestler who takes on all comers or even a mean bad ass no one wants to mess with, but an angst ridden emo kid looking for attention. “Yawns” and “blahs” adorn your twitter timeline where you have to ask “what is the point?” Who are you hoping responds to that? You are tired, go take a nap. You are bored, go do something. But nope, you have to emote on twitter, just hoping to some kind of a response. You can't just say what is on your mind like a regular person, but have to be cryptic about it. Oh hey, five minutes went by since I started my rant and you just posted “smh.” Again, say something, ANYTHING that is a firm definitive statement that has agency, that isn't double speak to make sure that nobody confronts you one on one.

...and you are going into a match with me with this kind of attitude? I'm so totally firm about what I want, who I am, and what I want to do here. When I say something mean, I fully intend the person I'm talking about to hear it. I'm sorry, but my tenacity is going to beat your timidity and that is the truth.

That takes me to the Giant Douche...


TO BE CONTINUED...

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