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 Giant Douche ...or Do It Right the First Time

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Buffy Roxxon


Posts : 11
Join date : 2017-04-14

PostSubject: Giant Douche ...or Do It Right the First Time   Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:46 pm

I told you I would probably do something a bit more introspective and heavy sometime down the line. Yes, it was fun explaining why the Turd Sandwich is super Turdy ...and he continues his turdiness by now “not feeling well” instead of preparing for what should be him trying to create his brand here in XHW. Oh well, I guess he is just proving my point that the man has absolutely no agency and would rather take cheap shots like a chicken shit than step into the match with a clear motivation. His loss; my gain. However, that was Turd Sandwich; he ONLY deserves the trash talk treatment. Hit him with some truths and move the fuck on. Giant Douche is a totally different story entirely. He deserves the grand treatment; to be running through my head day in and day out. Giant Douche, while still most definitely a giant douche, requires some actual deep thoughts and pondering. Introspection, if you will.

I think we all know just how important this match is to me; how important being crowned a champion on the first night is. Hell, maybe I didn't state this, but I'm super stoked to be able to have the opportunity to kick off a division with another wrestler; a wrestler that I'm hoping is, in fact, Ashley Williams. We were the first two ladies signed, and it would be, y'know, like, poetic if we were the first ever tag team champions. Tag team wrestling is a dying breed these and we could be the people to bring it back here in XHW. Instead of sitting from the sidelines and wondering what happened to all the good tag teams, XHW has given me the match and is letting me, and one other lucky person, start a fire for team competition once again.

EVERYTHING begins with me if I do it right the first time.

I create a competitive tag team division in XHW.

I become the first ever champion in XHW history.

I get myself a shit ton of points in the Gold Bound Series ...giving myself a decent head start to world gold.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I start my XHW career with a major win on the most historic night of the company's sure to legendary legacy.

But I have to do it right the first time don't I? That is something that I think goes a bit unappreciated in these days of liberal snowflakes, everybody being entitled to an opinion even if it is silly, and everybody getting a trophy. How many times do we come across people who believe that any effort is good enough? Guys who will sleep walk through something the first time, because their second chance is guaranteed by society?

Is this starting to sound the least bit familiar to anybody? Is there somebody who might have the typical attitude of second chancery? Somebody who maybe threw something away, but is hoping that he will get a bit of redemption with this match? Is there perhaps somebody who is going to be in that ring who wants “ONE MORE SHOT AT GLORY?”

It was this person who was running through my head the other night as I went out with my girlfriends for a night of “Drinking Around the World” with my former University of Central Florida Cheer Squad. Again, flatter yourself Giant Douche, I was thinking of you off hours ...but because there was something about you that REALLY bothered  me, but I could not put me finger on it. But whatever, there you were in the center of cranium while I was attempting to have a good time in Epcot. Y'see, they wanted to not just celebrate my signing to XHW, but what is a once in a life time opportunity. I was reluctant to go out with them, but knew that I needed a break from twitter fights and generic promos. So's I put a few hours aside to let loose a bit with the girls in what happened to be the German district of the World Showcase. Put my hair down n' all that jazz and stuff.

“So, this lady starts screaming at me because I was doing my civic duty as a twenty something at Disnelynand.” I was in the middle of my story, and my second glass of a twenty ounce mug. I was getting slow in my older age. Two years ago, I would've been on my fifth by that point. The other girls were each on their fourth. Mandy, Brandy, and Andi were a year younger than me, thus they were still attending my old College. In this group, I was always going to be the old mother hen of this squad. Though I never thought that they would ever out drink me.

“And what civic duty is that?” Brandy asked.

“Getting my tits out on the drop of Splash Mountain. Any self-respecting party girl knows that is tradition, kids in the front row or not.”

“You didn't?” Mandy was shocked.

“Of course I did,” I answered between sips of my beer. “Now, typically they delete the picture before it appears at the exist kiosk. Sometimes it disappears forever, but others it shows up on flashmountain.com.”

“Didn't that happen to you?” Andi inquired.

“Twice.” I gave her sparkling smile as I held the beer mug in my hand. “Anyways, this buzz kill of a mom lectured me about what a horrible role model I was to women just because I like to have fun. I got right back in her face and told her that I gave her son the first ever TRULY happy memory he will have for a long time ...and something for her husband to fap to.”

“You are so bad.”

“Maybe, but that is also why I am kinda great.” I finished my drink as I ended my story. At that point, I said to myself that I just couldn't do anymore. We were having a good time, but if I wanted to get up early for the jog I go on every morning, I needed to stop. Maybe I was tempted at first to order another drink, but then that loud Austrian voice in my head screamed at me “YOU ARE A LOSER WITH NO SELF-CONTROL!” I refrained from calling the burly waiter from bringing me another drink. Just hearing Hans' voice in my head made me straighten up and realize the objective in my life.

“You pretty much are,” Andi began. “We so totally miss having you as our Captain. You were always so sure of yourself and liberated. You never had to think about a leadership, you just made it. There was never any room for error with you. I feel myself messing up all the time.”

“That's because I held you to a high standard. MY standard. And honestly, I've been watching your tapes, and yeah, there are shut ton of stuff you guys are getting wrong.” I explained to the girl I passed the torch to with no remorse. I didn't feel bad about telling her the truth whatsoever. She had big white sneakers to fill, and she was currently failing. Sure, it sounds like maybe I had hoped that she wouldn't be as good as me, but that is so not the case. I wanted nothing more than for her to exceed the bar I raised, but that wasn't happening. It is actually the same thing with my upcoming match. I would love for both Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich to give me everything they got, and I will be disappointed when they don't. As said, Giant Douche will come close, but I'll get to why he'll ultimately fail.

“But we aren't even at regionals yet.” Brandy tried to explain, but I just shrugged her off.

“It doesn't matter if it is regionals or not. If you are going to go out there, you do it right the first time. Not the second, not the third, not the fourth. You have to nail it every time or there is no point of you doing what you do ...because, in your heart, you are already in second place. Why were we champions every year I was in charge?” I asked with a glare to all three women ...even though they were acting like total bitches.

“Because you were a good leader,” Mandy said with a smirk, trying to get back on my good side, hoping that I would backtrack on my opinion. Here is the thing with opinions, the only thing that will change them is action ...even then, isn't better to shoot for a good first impression rather than “make up for it later” like SOME PEOPLE in my match thinks it is okay to do?

“No, it wasn't just that. It was because I made sure by the time we were ready for our big routines, there were no flaws in the system. I made sure we were on the same page; we were aware of our surroundings and who we were facing off against. I EXPECTED us to know our moves by the end of the practice we learned them, and everything after that was just heavy polish. And yeah, I made sure we would go out and have hell of a time in town, but ONLY if we knew we were flawless come show time. We were a machine when our music hit.” I paused for a moment, again with the urge to order another beer, but there was that Austrian Man's voice screaming in my face again “YOU DON'T GET FREE RIDES UNTIL PERFECT” ...and I wasn't perfect yet, was I? I was close to it, but I needed more work.

“Geez, girl, you need to lighten up. Get yourself another drink,” Andi suggested, probably just wanting me to lay off them.

“I'm sorry, but I hit my limit. I had my fun for tonight, but I can't have anymore until I KNOW this match is mine for taking.” I stood up, sliding my chair in. Yeah, sure, I was tempted, but I was more drawn to my current greater good. Partying is fun, but I'm a person with priorities; a person with conviction.

“You aren't the cheer captain and Sorority Sister you used to be.” Mandy was already calling the water to us which I was not comfortable with. This was how weaker fall from their perch and I knew it. Hell, I'm facing the poster child for that this Saturday. As you may have probably guessed, this situation was why I couldn't get Giant Douche out of my head. I couldn't help but understand him in that moment; get WHY he fell from grace.

“No, I am. I know when to party, but I also know when to work. The fact that the Cougars now fucking suck is proof that my GOOD habits never rubbed off on you.” I looked down at my glass, then at my three girlfriends. “Sorry, but I'm going to win THEN I'll drink, party with all my clothes, and other wild things ...but ONLY after I win.” With that I strutted away from them and towards the exit of the amusement park. I had an annual pass, I could rink whenever I wanted to. There were much bigger fish to fry within that moment. As I left my former team stew in their own frailty, I could hear the strong Austrian man say “...good girl. Now have a piece of cookie.”


I was nine years old; his name was Henchick. He was my gymnastics coach, and boy was he a stern one. My first session with him was was hell. He expected so much from me and it felt like whatever I did, it was never good enough for him. I went home crying to my parents in tears, asking for an easier coach. They refused my request, telling me that the world was expected of girls like me and I had to rise to the occasion whether I felt like I could do it or not. However, before that second session, they told me that they believed in. They believed that I COULD step up to Coach Henchick's expectations.

“That was crap! YOU ARE CRAP!” Henchick, the man who coached the Austrian Olympic Gymnastics team was screaming at me again.

“I ...I'm trying my best.” 9 year old me wailed after falling off the balance beam.


“I can't,” I tried to plead with him.

“No, you can't ...and you never will with that behavior.” He was about to walk off, but something with how he said that pissed me off. I ran to the balance beam and, without even thinking about it, I performed the requested routine flawlessly. It ends up I COULD do it right and at that moment, I knew I shouldn't wait for practice. There was no stopping me from being successful from the word go.

He looked at me and took a cookie from his pocket. He broke off a small piece and handed it to me. “Eh, good job, have a cookie.”

That was the most delicious cookie I've ever eaten.


So yeah, Giant Douche, I do understand you and the pressure you had to go through. Like, we aren't that so much unalike, you and I. I feel you man, man. But yeah, we have a lot in common, parents that wanted the world from us and an urge to Rock Out with Our Cock's Out, doesn't mean I do not also like totally pity you. Because there is one huge difference between the two of us: you crack under any pressure, while I thrive under it.

Think about it. You know it is the truth.

I'm so sorry you were raised in a household that expected the world of you and wanted you to reach your potential, but so was I. Yeah, sure, there was a point where I thought I was going to break; where I wanted to quit, but I didn't. You also don't see me going around and bitching about how my parents wanted me to reach my potential on my bio, do you? No, I was given an expectation and I reached it. Every time. Without fail. Why is that? Well, it is the whole point of this story: I know the importance of a doing things RIGHT the first time. Yeah, I grew up rich, but my parents knew that I shouldn't be raised to believe that second chances are my right. That because I'm a special snowflake, I deserve all the chances in the world. They aren't mine, and I am going to make sure they certainly aren't for you. No, sometimes we blow it, and we can't make it up. That is real life; that is reality. Some doors close and never re-open.

You know what I don't buy: partying ruined your career. It wasn't the lifestyle that fucked you up from being an amazing athlete, it was you. You gave into temptation and couldn't moderate yourself. It is a matter of knowing your limits and being able to “abstain.” You can look at me and say “It was the party life style” and I will life in your face. As we have covered so much, I love to party, but I also know when to stop. I know when it is time to Go Wild and when it is time to run wild. The truth is, and I hate to say this, you were born weak.

And now you come into the first ever Fallout or Fall Out or whatever, and you want your second chance at Glory; expecting the wrestling industry to just give it to you; expecting the XHW to hand it to you? Do you know how insulting that is for someone who never needed more than the first time to be successful? It puts a terrible taste in my mouth that you think THAT is how the world works. I've busted my super fine ass my whole life to NEVER fail, to get things right, beat by beat, but you come here and ask for a hand out because YOU screwed up. Get out of here with that crap and don't expect me to buy it.

So, that leads us right back to where we started: A Giant Douche, A Turd Sandwich, and Earth's Great Assed Hero with the chance for immortality on the line. Now, maybe you listened to me, and are going to consider me a greater threat than maybe the two of you originally thought I was. But more likely than not, all I did was make you both even more pissed at me. Good. I want you guys at your best; at your most fierce. Because as much as there is historic significance on Saturday, there is also a point to prove: my career does NOT begin with whimper, but with a bang. And that bang is the swift defeat of two guys whose heads are shoved WAY up their own asses; guys who are stuck in their insecurity and self-pity. It will begin with my tag title reign, and continue on with me scoring enough points to challenge for the World Title and when walking out with that as well.

Get ready, because Saturday, XHW is going to Rox Out with Two Cocks Out of the title picture.

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